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A long time ago, an expectant mom on an adoption forum wrote that she wanted to name her child, and that she wanted the adoptive parents to keep that name. She was perplexed when some prospective adoptive parents balked. She was giving them her child, so why would a little thing like a name matter?
If an expectant parent wants to name her child, and wants to find parents who will keep that name, that is absolutely within her rights. They are certainly parents out there who are fine with that. However, I don’t believe that a name is a little thing. If adoptive parents want to give their own name to their child, that’s within their rights as well.
In some cultures, a name is incredibly significant. In Judaic culture, for example, it is important to name children after family members. In some sects, it’s important not to name a child after a living family member, while in others, it’s important not to name a child after a deceased family member. One set of friends had planned four different names for their first two children, depending on which gender was born first. (Hannah and Juliet have arrived, in case anyone was wondering.)
I am named after my father. Many of my cousins are named after their fathers or our grandfather. (Our wedding coordinator threatened to announce “Joe, your car’s being towed” to see how many people would leave the reception.) Jack is named for two of my husband’s relatives – his grandfather, John, and his uncle, Louis.
Then, there’s the other end of the spectrum. Some people do not want a “common” name for their child. Sometimes, these people go a bit too far. Take my sister, for example. My poor nephews are named Orion and Cyrus. But it was important to her that no one has the same name. (I’ve since warmed to Orion, but every time I think about Cyrus, I think of John Malkovich’s character in Con Air.)
Personally, I started thinking of baby names as soon as I could read. First, I was going to have 8 kids and name them after all of the characters in the Trixie Belden books. By high school, I’d narrowed it down to 6 kids – 4 girls, 2 boys. In my freshman year family project, I named one of my girls Vivien Olivia. My boys were Rhett Joseph and Michael Christopher. I have to admit, I have no idea why I chose Michael Christopher, although Rhett was on my short-list for a boy. My husband vetoed it, along with Harrison.
One girl’s name has been on the list since I was eight – Cassandra. I originally heard it on The Little House on the Prairie, and thought it was the prettiest name I’d ever heard. I later learned that it means “prophetess”, and I learned the tragedy of the Greek Cassandra. Even so, I love the name. My husband had to agree to it. I told him that our daughter will be named Cassandra, and in exchange, he got to name Jack.
Unfortunately, there are too many women in my family who have been ignored, name-wise. I know a middle name will have to honor one of them. But choosing one means slighting others. Fortunately, one of my cousins named her daughter after my grandmother, so that’s at least taken care of. Why are women so reluctant to name their children after themselves? I wonder.
A name is not a small matter. I believe that names should be chosen with care and forethought. I believe they should be significant. I don’t think adoptive parents should be vilified for wanting to choose their newborn child’s name. Yes, I have different opinions on changing a child’s name once she’s old enough to know it, but that’s another post.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”
But Rose would not be Cassandra.
