I used to be a member of our local MOMS Club. There was another mom who had two boys. She became pregnant. She and her husband had wanted three kids. She was hoping for a girl, and very loud about it. Didn’t want to find out the gender before the baby was born. And it was … a boy.
Almost immediately after the child was born, she started talking about trying again for a girl.
My first thought was, “How is that fourth little boy going to feel?”. I’m sure the woman and her husband would love him. But with all of Mom’s friends knowing how much she wanted a girl, and Mom herself not being all that discreet, he would probably need some therapy.
So what I said was, “If you want a girl, you could adopt.” She looked at me, not as surprised as I would have thought she would be. She actually said she was considering it. As she moved away, and I left the club, I have no idea what happened.
My best friend is fond of reminding me how I always said I was going to have a baby girl first. In fact, I believe I may have even bragged about it. When we were thinking of going through Russia, the plan was to specify a girl. But when we switched to the US, it was a lot easier to check the “either” box.
Why did I want a girl first? I can’t satisfactorily answer that question. Part of it is the thought that girls are easier. I don’t know where that thought comes from, but it is fairly common. Many of the adoption books and sites I read discuss the fact that most parents, if they specify gender, specifically want a girl. Another part is my temperament. Although I’m not a girlie-girl, I’m not a huge tomboy either. I played basketball in junior high, and that was about it. I just wasn’t sure that I could parent a boy because I wasn’t sure that I could relate to a boy. I had a sister growing up, and my male friends were all drama geeks (including my husband).
S ended our “match” phone call with, “You’d better think of a boy’s name because that’s what you’re having.”
I was simultaneously elated that I was having a baby at all, while being slightly confused and a tad disappointed that that baby would be a boy. To clarify, I wasn’t disappointed that I was having a boy. I think I was disappointed because the family in my head always began with a girl. But it didn’t take long to be fully happy about our little man.
And now, I have to say that being a mom to a boy really isn’t bad at all. Of course, Jack is only three, so he’s pretty malleable. Coming from two theatrical parents, he loves to play dress up. He wore his princess clothes all day today. (I couldn’t find any prince clothes at Goodwill.) He’s into trucks and trains, which I love! My mother wouldn’t buy my sister and me “boy’s toys”. I had one Hotwheels and a little car I got as a prize at the dentist. So I delight in buying Jack Thomas the Tank Engine and friends.
Now, next time, we will specify gender. I do want a little girl to complete our family. Jack also wants a baby sister, probably because most of his friends have baby sisters. He promises to share his toys with her. We’ll see.
