Open Adoption Roundtable: Success

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It’s designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community.

This round comes to you courtesy of Lori at Weebles Wobblog.

If there’s one thing we all might agree on, it’s that we’d like our open adoptions to be successful. But what does “success” mean to you, when speaking about open adoption? Do you think it may mean something else to the others in your triad?

This is a difficult question for me to answer coherently. I think Meghann’s response on the Open Adoption blog is very close to how I feel. Meanwhile, from a practical point of view, Andy at Today’s the Day! answers more succinctly than I ever could.

With those answers in mind, I’m going to try to craft my own as efficiently as possible.

I define success in open adoption by how much therapy Jack needs when he’s older. The less he needs, the more successful it’s been.

Not exactly. But I do define success by how he ends up feeling and who he ends up being. I want him to know how loved he is and how wanted. I want him to agree that adoption was the best choice S could have made. I want him to be able to ask my husband, S, or me anything he wants to ask and get answers that satisfy him.

If Jack ends up as a writer someday (the poor dear), I want him to be the writer who says “Yeah, parts of being adopted, especially by a White family, were hard. But overall, it didn’t define who I am. I am not ‘an adopted child’. I’m just Jack.” I want adoption and his life to be more normal than not.

Open adoption isn’t about the parents – it’s about the children. Open adoption isn’t easy (at least, I’ve never met or read anyone who thinks it is), but we do it so that our children will be happy, healthy, well adjusted individuals. At least, that’s why Mr. Hernandez and I do it. I’m enjoying reading the responses from other bloggers, and I’d love to read your comments as well.

PS: Stop by tomorrow to learn about Adopting in Florida.

Photo Credit.

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