New Blog on the Block: U.S. Infant Adoption

Salutations!*

I’m Robyn, a new blogger at Adoption Blogs. And who better than a new blogger to kick off a new blog?

U.S. Infant Adoption – such a huge topic. From those just beginning to explore this option, to those waiting to be matched, to those who have done it once and are hoping to adopt again – we all face similar issues. However, it’s important to know that, just like snowflakes, no two adoptions are ever exactly alike.

If you’re reading this, I urge you to comment with any questions you have, issues you’ve faced, or stories you’d like to share. I have a lot of ideas for what I’d like to write, but I’d rather hear your ideas for what you’d like to read.

To start the discussion off, I’d like to share the story of my adoption journey.

In 1989, Nicolae Ceauşescu, dictator of Romania, had been deposed, bringing to light the plight of Romanian orphans. Having just recently learned that babies did not magically pop out of a woman’s stomach – I went to Catholic school, and they were really light on the details there – I decided that when I was ready to be a mom, I’d adopt.

Everyone I ever said this to thought I was, at best, a little nuts. Many of my family members told me I’d change my mind. But the more I learned about the world and the children in it, the more determined I was never to be pregnant, but to build a family through adoption.

This was not an easy decision for my long-time boyfriend to accept. It delayed a marriage proposal, and I knew it. He wasn’t sure about not procreating. When he did ask me to marry him, I reminded him that I wasn’t going to birth children. He said he’d rather be married to me and adopt, then marry someone else and have biological children. (He also insisted that we adopt a boy, which he now says he doesn’t remember. But that’s another story.)

In 2003, a minor injury turned into permanent nerve damage. The medications I was on did not lend themselves to pregnancy. In fact, one screamed “DO NOT TAKE THIS DRUG WHILE PREGNANT OR YOU WILL HAVE A BABY WITH TWO HEADS!!!!” Thus, it was fortunate that I didn’t want to be pregnant. I began researching international adoption. Romania was closed, so I turned to Russia. I have Russian heritage, and I thought it would be a good fit. But when I discovered that two long trips were required, I knew we couldn’t do that because of my disability. I turned to countries that escort, and found Ethiopia.

At that point, my husband (who says he wants to be referred to here as 1979 MVP Keith Hernandez), ever the pragmatist, asked, “If we’re going to adopt a black baby, can’t we do that here?”

I had never considered domestic adoption. First, I believed in the myth that a birthparent could come back and take a child. Second, I believed that it would take years. Third, I believed the movies, like The Baby Dance, in which sweet, well-coiffed adoptive parents were sapped emotionally and financially without ever actually getting a baby.

But when I actually read about adoption, subscribed to a well-known adoption magazine, and looked around on the Internet, I found out that all of those beliefs were wrong. In May, 2005, we signed with our agency. Our home study began in June. We had a potential match by September, though we couldn’t accept it because our home study wasn’t done. We almost matched again later that month, which sent me back to the Internet and Babies R Us to research baby paraphernalia. In October, we matched with the young woman who would be our son’s birthmother.

Open adoption never scared me, so I was glad to talk with S during the last months of her pregnancy. We flew to her state in January, 2006, a few days before she was scheduled to be induced, and met her family. We were at the hospital with her during labor (another story I’ll cover in-depth later), and took our son “home” when he was 3 days old. Thanks to the ICPC, we spent his first 11 days in a hotel room, and then almost got arrested when we took him to home to California (also another post).

The time lapse from signing with our agency to Jack’s birth was 8 months.

We finalized Jack’s adoption in August 2006. He just turned 3, and he knows he’s adopted. He knows he has a birthday AND an adoption day, and that he grew in S’s belly. Jack is also “brown”, while I am “white” and Daddy is sometimes “white”, sometimes “brown” (my husband is tan). We hope to adopt a little girl, who, Jack is happy to announce, will be “brown like me”.

So, that’s me. Who are you?

My family on Halloween
Photo Credit: 2008 Robyn C. All Rights Reserved.

* “That’s my fancy way of saying ‘Hello’.”
~ Charlotte, Charlotte’s Web, by E.B. White

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