Do you ever read several different sources of information, and all on the same day, those sources report about the same thing? I’ve been having that a lot this week.
Adoptive Families magazine included an article about a dad who was afraid to be happy about his daughter’s arrival until he truly knew that she was his. A few people in one of my online support groups have matched, and some have had those matches fall through. A topic on another blog I read focuses on getting ready for the arrival of your child – whether you know when he’s coming home or not.
I never had a problem being happy when we matched. When people write about holding back, not decorating the nursery until the baby comes home, not having a baby shower, I can’t get behind that. One of the wonderful effects of adoption is that you will have a baby, sooner or later. I’ve always thought that even pregnant people can’t be sure their pregnancies will end well, so why should adoptive parents be forced to hold back?
I don’t recommend behaving with reckless abandon, spending tons of money on pink frilly clothes and stocking up on formula. I simply submit that it is okay to be happy.
If you want to decorate your child’s room, do it. (And remember to use low-VOC paint.)
If you want a baby shower before the baby arrives, and someone wants to throw you one, go for it.
If you want to spend some time thinking about the future, about when you’ll be signing up for Gymboree or swimming lessons, go ahead.
Yes, you have to realize that a match doesn’t mean that that baby is yours. You do have to be realistic; adoptions do fall through. You have to try and understand what the expectant parents are going through, and walk the line between being enthusiastic and supportive. I remember reading that one prospective adopted mom was so afraid to say anything positive about the baby, the expectant mom blurted out, “Don’t you want the baby?”. The expectant mom thought that the adoptive mom wasn’t excited enough.
Don’t be afraid to be positive. Don’t be afraid to hope. Don’t be afraid to be an expectant parent yourself.
Be realistic, but be happy!
Photo Credit: 2009 Robyn C. All Rights Reserved.
