Comments on: Is It Our Job? http://domestic-infant.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-it-our-job Blog with information on open adoption. Includes advice, tips, concerns, and news articles about open adoption. Birthparent and Adoptive parent blog on open adoption. Articles, information, and news about domestic adoption Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:50:39 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Robyn C http://domestic-infant.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-it-our-job/comment-page-1#comment-93 Robyn C Mon, 28 Dec 2009 19:35:12 +0000 http://domestic-infant.adoptionblogs.com/?p=148#comment-93 I definitely think that the connotations of the word "job" overshadow the larger point. I read the original post and the comments, but I'm not sure that I really got it until I read this comment. Open adoption is definitely a balancing act, and because they're all different, what works for one family might not work for others. In general, I agree that adoptive parents should be more open to discussing issues with birth families. I'm glad we're on Wordpress now too. So much easier! :0) I definitely think that the connotations of the word “job” overshadow the larger point. I read the original post and the comments, but I’m not sure that I really got it until I read this comment. Open adoption is definitely a balancing act, and because they’re all different, what works for one family might not work for others. In general, I agree that adoptive parents should be more open to discussing issues with birth families.

I’m glad we’re on Wordpress now too. So much easier! :0)

]]> By: moominmama http://domestic-infant.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-it-our-job/comment-page-1#comment-92 moominmama Wed, 23 Dec 2009 14:52:19 +0000 http://domestic-infant.adoptionblogs.com/?p=148#comment-92 I feel like my point is lost in the word JOB, which was Pennie's choice to use. That makes it sound more like I am here to serve Pennie first and foremost no matter what when what Pennie meant (I believe) is yeah, we need to be honest with each other and I can't run when the going gets rough. (After all, Pennie can't -- not when she's as committed to being there for Madison as she is.) But I get in the ongoing conversation at my blog that for some adoptive parents, it's too much. We should NOT be the primary caretakers for our children's other parents and we have to have boundaries that work for us. But I hope that adoptive parents can consider stretching to hear more about the hard parts of being a birth parent. Early on Pennie told me when visits were hard for her or when specific parts of visits were hard and this helped me do what I could to make them easier. It also helped me understand when sometimes we wouldn't hear from her. I count on Pennie to tell me what's going on, too, which helps me relax and not worry so much that I'm screwing things up somehow. These are all good things. Pennie and I are also friends and so as a friend (not just as her daughter's other mother) I care about what's happening to her. I'd say as her friend it definitely is my job to hear how things are going just like it is with my other friends. So there's that, too, and I realize not every adoptive parent and birth parent are able to be friends -- that's just reality sometimes. (Totally as an aside, I didn't know they were running these blogs on wordpress! Awesome!) I feel like my point is lost in the word JOB, which was Pennie’s choice to use. That makes it sound more like I am here to serve Pennie first and foremost no matter what when what Pennie meant (I believe) is yeah, we need to be honest with each other and I can’t run when the going gets rough. (After all, Pennie can’t — not when she’s as committed to being there for Madison as she is.)

But I get in the ongoing conversation at my blog that for some adoptive parents, it’s too much. We should NOT be the primary caretakers for our children’s other parents and we have to have boundaries that work for us. But I hope that adoptive parents can consider stretching to hear more about the hard parts of being a birth parent. Early on Pennie told me when visits were hard for her or when specific parts of visits were hard and this helped me do what I could to make them easier. It also helped me understand when sometimes we wouldn’t hear from her. I count on Pennie to tell me what’s going on, too, which helps me relax and not worry so much that I’m screwing things up somehow. These are all good things.

Pennie and I are also friends and so as a friend (not just as her daughter’s other mother) I care about what’s happening to her. I’d say as her friend it definitely is my job to hear how things are going just like it is with my other friends. So there’s that, too, and I realize not every adoptive parent and birth parent are able to be friends — that’s just reality sometimes.

(Totally as an aside, I didn’t know they were running these blogs on wordpress! Awesome!)

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