Heather at Production, Not Reproduction had the fabulous idea of doing an open adoption bloggers interview project. Each blogger was paired with another, and we asked questions. Now, we’re posting the answers.
I was paired with Fairlight at All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.
1. You said that you started blogging despite the fact that you’ve always hated writing. Do you still hate writing? Have you found blogging to be as beneficial as you had hoped?
I have found blogging to be surprisingly enjoyable. I think because the format is more like chatting with someone, and I do like to talk! I have also been really surprised and touched by how many people have been following it.
2. You don’t include many personal details on your blog, which I understand, but I would like to know what state you live in, if you’d care to share. (On my blog, I’m doing a series on Adopting in the 50 States, so I’m more interested in states these days.)
We live in Philadelphia and our agency works with birth mothers in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. I don’t think you have written about those two yet, so I look forward to reading about them.
3. In your last post, you talk about finding a new job. Do you intend to work after your child comes home? Why or why not?
This is really the 50 million dollar question right now. I would LOVE to be able to stay home. But-after spending so much on IVF treatments and the adoption we have really pretty much burned through our savings so not working at all is not really an option. Unfortunately however the small independent elementary school I teach at is closing in June (lots of complicated reasons, the biggest probably being the recession) . This is really really complicated since we are now also officially “waiting”. I think it’s hard to start a new job, especially a teaching job, with the pre-condition that you may need 12 weeks off with little or not notice at any time. I will be eligible for unemployment in the fall which is a possibility that would then allow me stay home for at least this school year. Assuming we have a baby. As you can see–there are a lot of unknowns here!
4. Which baby preparation books do you have? Which ones have you actually read? (I had a ton of books, but I only read a handful.)
So far I have only read books on adoption. It’s funny I was just thinking that I need to switch gears here at some point. I was given “What to expect during the 1st year” by my mother-in-law, but I’ve heard mixed reviews on that. On my to do list is the William Sears book on attachment parenting. Oh- I do have “Baby Bargains” which has been a great help in deciding on gear. I think I would like to get Baby 411 also-I have friends that found that to be really helpful. I would also like to read “Your Self Confident baby” by Magda Gerber. I know that colleagues that share my educational philosophy that work in programs with infants have a ton of respect for what she has to say. I also want to read the ones that you recommended. I guess I better get reading!
5. I, too, enjoyed preparing for the baby. I had a baby shower before Jack was born. Do you think you’ll have a shower? Why or why not?
I’m not really sure about that one. I think I would prefer not to have one. Honestly years of Infertility have just kind of soured me on baby showers. Even once we are matched I would hate having to spend the whole shower explaining how TPR works and the various nuances of what could go wrong, but I feel like I would be compelled to if I felt like people were assuming this was a “sure thing”.
6. What does an open adoption look like, in your thoughts?
My ideal would be keeping in electronic contact throughout the year with visits maybe two to three times a year. With occasional phone calls also. I would like enough contact that the door is always wide open for our child and it comfortable for him or her to walk through when they need to have that contact or reassurance from their birthmother, but that our lives are also for the most part independent of each other. I realize no one gets their ideal so hopefully we will get something we can all live with.
7. Why did you choose domestic adoption?
We really wanted an infant. I have always loved babies and would not like to lose out on those first months of infanthood. Also the more I read about adoption, the more I came to feel like open adoption would be best for our child, and obviously this is easier in a domestic situation. This is also one of the reasons we chose our agency who only works with local birthmoms.
8. Do you have a favorite quote?
“Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”
William Butler Yeats
