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Tonight we picked a relatively new book off of our shelf: We Belong Together, A Book About Adoption and Families, by Todd Parr.
Todd Parr has written and illustrated dozens of children’s books, many on the topics of tolerance, equality, and acceptance in regards to so-called “non-traditional families”. We have and love It’s Okay to Be Different (even if it’s not okay to eat macaroni and cheese in the bathtub). I assumed we’d like We Belong Together, even if it did receive mixed reviews on Amazon.com.
I don’t dislike the book, but some pages do make me cringe. The book is written in the format “We belong together because…” you (the child) needed something and I/we (the parents) could give it to you. Now, we do something together.
Sometimes, it works well, and is very sweet. But the book opens with what I feel is the most condescending statement it makes: “We belong together because… you needed a home and I had one to share.” Now, in some cases, children really don’t or wouldn’t have homes without adoption. But to me, that statement just smacks of “you should be grateful because we took you in”.
Then there’s “We belong together because.. you needed a friend, and I knew where to find one”. The pages illustrate a parent going to the animal shelter to get a dog for the child. So, I adopted you because you wanted a dog? I adopted the dog because you were adopted too? I’m just uncomfortable with that scenario.
To me, the book focuses on the child being needy and the parents addressing that need. There really isn’t a clear example of the parents needing the child to complete their families. I think an astute child might look at this book and think he’s supposed to be grateful for his situation.
A lot of the pages are sweet, if a bit misguided:
“We belong together because… you needed someone to help you grow healthy and strong, and I had help to give.” OK. Parents help their kids grow big and strong. But, again, this sets up the child as needing and parent as providing.
I like it when the book is less heavy handed, with my favorite pages being:
“We belong together because… you needed someone to read to you, and we had stories to share.” Sharing is nicer than giving. We all get something from the arrangement. Maybe that’s just semantics.
I think the book could be better with just one slight fix:
“We belong together because…” you needed this, I/we needed this related thing, and now we have each other.
We almost get that with the last pages of the book:
“We belong together because… you needed someone to say ‘I love you’ and we had love to give. Now we all have someone to kiss goodnight.” But why couldn’t it be “We belong together because… you needed someone to say ‘I love you’ and we needed someone to love.”? I think that might sum up why my husband and I adopted at the time that we did. We felt like we were incomplete before we had a son.
Overall, I’d give the book 3 stars out of 5. I like that it portrays different types of families, and Parr draws people all sorts of wacky colors, which takes care of the transracial aspects. I like the sentiment of belonging together, and parents and children being happy in their lives. I just wish it were a little lighter on the kids.
When people discover that I have adopted from foster care they say, “Wow! Those kids are so lucky to have you. You are such a saint for taking them in!” I always counter with, “I am the lucky one, I am so blessed to be able to have them as my children. I need them as much as they need me.” My children give to me as much as I give to them.