Profiles

I've recently discovered a number of new adoption-related blogs. Not Quite Juno is a birthmother blog that I'd heard about and finally started reading. I recently read an older post of hers: Always On Our Best Behaviour, But Why?. Michelle, the blog's author, covers a lot of topics in this one post. Because I just did an entire series on adoption profiles, I thought Fate might have intervened when I randomly decided to read this post the other night. Michelle writes: What I have noticed in all of these profiles are some very similar themes.  Now, I don't know if there are "requirements or elements" that have to be satisfied in these, but they all feature pretty much the same things. Yes, all adoptive parents… [more]

One of my favorite adoption books is Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter, by Nelson Handel. One of the first things Handel does is explain that the term "birthmother", as used here, is incorrect. First, a woman is not a birthmother until she has placed her child for adoption. Until then, she is an expectant mother, just like any other pregnant woman. Second, the term "birthmother" does not include the biological father, who very well may be involved in choosing an adoptive family for his child. Handel gives some great advice. Do I agree with all of it? No. But I do agree with where Handel is coming from. He lays out ten Golden Rules, philosophies… [more]

Last week, I shared what NOT to include in a "Dear Birthmother Letter". Today, I'm going to share what you should include. Some of these ideas come from the book Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter, by Nelson Handel. However, I'm going to write more about that book specifically in my next post. First thing's first - the greeting. I do not recommend using "Dear Birthmother" as the greeting. A woman isn't a birthmother until she places, after all. Books and articles recommend "Dear Friend", but when I read letters addressed to "Dear Friend" I immediately think "I'm not this person's friend. They don't even know me." I've always wanted to use "Salutations! That's my… [more]

In domestic infant adoption, typically, the prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) write a letter to expectant parents, telling them about themselves and why they want and should have a child. This letter is commonly known as the "Dear Birthmother Letter". Today, I'm going to talk about what  not to include in this letter. First, do not address the letter "Dear Birthmother". Why not?

• Until a woman places, she is not a birthmother. She is an expectant mother, just like any other pregnant woman.
• Although this is somewhat rare, expectant biological fathers do help in making adoption plans for their children.

An increasing number of adoption agencies have potential adoptive parents make videos as part of their profile. In our case, it was also a part of our home study. I'm not sure why, but there you are. Videos are generally not that long. Our video was about 10 minutes or so. They can vary in quality from a "home movie" to a professionally shot, scripted production. There are some video companies out there who specialize in potential adoptive parent videos. In fact, we were given names and samples from two companies when we did ours. The only thing all the videos have in common is providing expectant parents with more information to choose a family for their child. Whether or not you choose… [more]

An autobiography, either written, videotaped, or both, is usually a part of any home study. At our agency, we were asked to complete both a written autobiography and a 5 minute video. The idea was that the written autobiography would be a part of our profile that expectant parents would see first; then, if they were interested, the video would be available to them as well. An autobiography is a little like the profile that is filled out at the agency at the beginning of the home study process. Rather than being answers to a series of questions, it is more like a narrative. It's the story of your life so far, in as much detail as you feel comfortable sharing. As our social worker told… [more]