U.S. Infant Adoption

Grown In My Heart's Adoption Carnival III asks: What is your most treasured adoption photo (or two)? I don't have permission to post pictures of Jack's birthmother (S) and the son she parents ("Iggy"), so I had to blur my favorite photo. You can see Jack, who is 7 months old. He's sitting between Iggy, then age 2, and S. We went back to Missouri in August 2006 to finalize Jack's adoption. We were able to spend a few hours with S and Iggy. Iggy was a little competitive with the baby. He seemed to like Jack OK, but vastly preferred getting attention from my husband to actively playing with Jack. I regret not spending more time with S after… [more]

If you've ever gotten into a discussion or even read about abortion, you've likely encountered comments about anti-abortion protesters adopting the babies they believe they're saving. An offhand remark about abortion on an adoption group resulted in one woman proudly stating that she and her husband stand in front of their local "abortion clinic" with the sign "WE WANT TO ADOPT YOUR BABY. ALL EXPENSES PAID." When I first read that, my mind went blank. Then I thought, Wow. Wow, that's just wrong. Because what she and her husband are essentially saying is, "WE WANT TO BUY YOUR BABY." If the sign read "We want to adopt your baby" and ended there, somehow that would be acceptable, though presumptuous. A woman could walk up and… [more]

In a recent argument over whether fertile couples should be allowed to adopt healthy newborns, a member of an online group wrote "Do you know that a majority of birth mom's [sic] choose adoptive couples/singles because they are infertile and don't have any kids?". Many people, myself included, pointed out that the statement is false. Expectant mothers come from all walks of life, from all backgrounds, from cities and rural areas, from high schools and colleges, from the workforce and welfare, literally, from everywhere. Generalizations are unlikely to work for such a diverse group. I think it's safe to say that all expectant mothers are women, though you never know if others will follow Thomas Beatie's lead. All kidding aside, every parent… [more]

When I was a kid, I wanted to live with my Aunt Sue and Uncle Bruce. They were smart, yet zany, and they lived close to the beach. Ironically, a few years ago, I was talking with my teenage cousins (Sue & Bruce's kids) and one of them said how much he wanted my mom to be his mom. Ah yes, the grass is always greener. A picture from the humor site Pundit Kitchen got me thinking about celebrity adoption. Not about the trend, but about being a child and wanting so much to be adopted by someone rich and famous, or by the characters the rich and famous played. I always wanted to be a Walton or an Ingalls. I still love… [more]

Lots of people have been writing about the online article about in vitro fertilization (IVF) and the accompanying blog post about the issues surrounding multiple births from IVF in the online edition of Sunday's New York Times. The comments were astounding, especially reading them as an adoptive parent who struggled with infertility myself. Why would I link to an article about infertility on an adoption blog? Many of us who have, or are planning to, adopt infants came to adoption after struggles with infertility. Some of us stopped before IVF, some of us had more than one unsuccessful cycle of treatments, and some of us had a child through IVF but wanted to complete their family and were unable to do so without more interventions… [more]

It always floors me when I read the question "When should I tell my child that he is adopted?" Really? In this day and age, people are still asking that question? Even if an adoption isn't open, even if a child can't or doesn't know her birth parents, the fact that she was adopted is just that - a fact of life. There is no benefit to waiting until the "right time" to spring this information on a child. When we matched with S, we received a photo of her with her son (whom she parents). We put it on our refrigerator, and there it remains. When Jack was a baby - I mean, a little, tiny baby - I'd point to it… [more]

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. Add the overlapping relationships of open adoption to the mix and you've got yourself a potential ethical and personal mess. And yet it's impossible to talk about one's open adoption experience without mentioning the people involved.  Where do you draw the lines--on your blog and in your personal life--and why? What, if anything, don't you tell? I blogged briefly and specifically about this a few months ago. When Jack was born, I wrote a series of posts on my personal blog. I went into minute detail sometimes, and certainly was… [more]

An increasing number of adoption agencies have potential adoptive parents make videos as part of their profile. In our case, it was also a part of our home study. I'm not sure why, but there you are. Videos are generally not that long. Our video was about 10 minutes or so. They can vary in quality from a "home movie" to a professionally shot, scripted production. There are some video companies out there who specialize in potential adoptive parent videos. In fact, we were given names and samples from two companies when we did ours. The only thing all the videos have in common is providing expectant parents with more information to choose a family for their child. Whether or not you choose… [more]

An autobiography, either written, videotaped, or both, is usually a part of any home study. At our agency, we were asked to complete both a written autobiography and a 5 minute video. The idea was that the written autobiography would be a part of our profile that expectant parents would see first; then, if they were interested, the video would be available to them as well. An autobiography is a little like the profile that is filled out at the agency at the beginning of the home study process. Rather than being answers to a series of questions, it is more like a narrative. It's the story of your life so far, in as much detail as you feel comfortable sharing. As our social worker told… [more]

Earlier this evening, I was trying to come up with a topic for today's blog post. I just couldn't think of anything good. Apparently, my 3 year old could. Jack: Why do I have brown skin? Me: Because your birth mommy, S, and birth father have brown skin. Jack: Who's my birth fodder? **** It occurred to me that I don't know if we'd ever mentioned Jack's birth father before. K chose not to meet Jack. K's situation makes it unlikely that we will be able to safely contact him anytime in the near future. Why did I mention him tonight? I was thinking about genetics and being technically correct, forgetting that my kid, even if he doesn't seem to be paying attention, will pick up on… [more]