U.S. Infant Adoption

My daughter is African-American and I am Caucasian. When I adopted her five years ago, I not only became a mom for the first time, but I also became the head of a transracial family. As I looked down at her tiny newborn face, I vowed to be the best mom I could be. I was intent on NOT being a "colorblind" parent, for I knew that (a) it wasn't possible, and (b) even if would've been possible, it was not in the best interests of my daughter. It sounds cliche, but we truly celebrate both our similarities and our differences. That's not to say that we live a fairy tale life. We do get the occasional query about our family makeup… [more]

There was a recent news story about a family being torn apart because the adopted daughter went back to her biological father. It’s always a tragedy when a family is torn apart, and it’s even worse when the situation could have- no wait, SHOULD HAVE been avoided in the first place. The problem was not the biological father petitioning for his daughter. The problem was with lies and deceit. I’m a big advocate for adoption and stories like this boil my blood. My wife and I spend so much time writing books, speaking in public, teaching classes, putting together panels, writing blog posts- everything you can think of because guess what… people in the general population have a lot of misconceptions about what… [more]

“So, what is this account for?” he asked. I was sitting across the desk from the man at the bank, opening a new account. Is there anything worse than sitting in a chair at the bank on a sunny summer afternoon? Seriously. If I ever start to suffer from insomnia I’m going to decorate my bedroom like a bank- that’ll put me right to sleep. “Getting my writing career going,” I said. “I need a separate account to keep track of everything- separate from my day job stuff.” “Oh really? That’s so cool. What are you planning to write about?” “It’s already written. In fact, it’s already out. It’s a book about open adoption. It’s our story.” “No kidding. My wife and I are planning to adopt.” “Oh… [more]

I was born in the 1970’s. Right there in the heat of the Roe v. Wade era when abortion became legal- not that my parents considered abortion since I was the 4th child out of what would be 6 and my parents had been married for a long time. Still, the fires of the topic were burning brightly at that time. It’s no coincidence that the laws for adoption began to change at the same time abortion became legal. Before that, all of the power for regulating adoptions was in the hands of the state. Caseworkers and adoption agencies did what they considered to be best for the adoption situations, which they considered to be closed adoptions. Not only was there no contact… [more]

My heart aches for a friend today. She is having to make a very tough decision, which I’m glad I never had to make. I’ll get back to that in a bit… Last week I was at the bank, opening a new account. I have recently started on the path of being a writer and I needed to have a new bank account in order to keep my author dealings separate from my other banking needs. When the banker started to ask questions about my book, which is about adoption, he said that he and his wife were considering adoption. When I probed a little further into his thoughts, he told me about how his wife hated being pregnant so much that she… [more]

My wife and I have been following a story that has been going on about a thousand miles away from us and their experience begs the question- At what point is the baby “our” baby? It’s not something that I hadn’t thought about before, but I ache when I see the way this particular couple has been handling their situation. I’ll get back to that couple’s story in a second, but permit me to go back early into our second adoption when we were first contacted. When we met our daughter’s birthmother for the first time, she told us about the couple she had originally chosen. For reasons that are her own, she changed her mind about the couple she was originally considering… [more]

I have been very sporadic in my blogging this summer--well, not sporadic as much as absent!  Sorry about that.  I just can't seem to get in sync with all of the summer activities:  pool, camps, sleepovers, bike rides, playdates....  I find myself running from sun up to sundown.  When school is in session the kids are just as busy (or actually, more so) but at least they go to bed early, so I can get up early and blog.  During the summer, they are up really late--and so I am up late, and then I sleep in. But I saw something in the paper last week that really touched me and I felt compelled to blog about it.  I saw an… [more]

I wanted to share with you something really deep and profound that I have learned going through the process of adoption placement- I have learned that the love of a mother, whether you parent or place, is a deep bond that does not discriminate.  It is there if you choose to parent your child and it is there if you choose to place your child with a forever family. I thought that the bond would be different, like women that choose to place can automatically turn off the 'bond' and feel nothing when placing their child. I firmly believe that if they tell you they feel nothing, that may be the case at the time, but deep down, maybe buried in a… [more]

Tax day is looming!  As of this writing, it's only five days away. I'm not big on April 15th.  It's not that I mind paying my share.  For me it's really more about the paperwork.  I absolutely detest digging through all of the papers that have been scattered around the house throughout the year: the W-2s (or is it a W-4?), the forms showing interest income, receipts for charitable giving, forms dealing with the car registration, pharmacy receipts, cancelled checks for health expenses....Gathering all of these papers and taking them to the accountant drives me absolutely nuts. There is some good news this year for individuals and families who are claiming a tax credit on their 2010 tax form.  There might be some additional… [more]

My eleven-year-old daughter just discovered that her best friend (or, as she calls her, her “BFF”) since kindergarten is moving away to another state.  My daughter is devastated, and she cried and cried when she found out.  I stood by knowing that there was absolutely nothing that I can do to help her feel better.  As much as I want to be able to “fix” this problem, I can’t.  She knows it.  I know it.  She is just going to have to hurt for a while. I got to thinking about this pain that Mary is experiencing and how it might relate to the pain that adopted children might experience--either from the death of a birth parent, or if that first parent relinquished… [more]